Life isn’t easy.
Like it really isn’t an easy process.
I am SURE I was convinced at one point it would be.
Like when you’re young, the world was this huge oyster of wonder. It was yours for the TAKING. You were told you could DO or BE ANYTHING! Wahoooo!
I remember being in like, year one at primary school. We talked about ‘what we wanted to be when we grew up’. There were pictures of various ‘careers’ for us to colour in. I remember vividly some of the options – Police, teaching, business, being a full-time Mum (not Dad), and ASTRONAUT!
What does that even MEAN?!
Like those were the options and you had to pick one. How confusing is that for someone at the age of six. We were basically told that becoming an astronaut was as simple as colouring it in and going, yeah – that one please.
When you’re young, you only had to worry about…
- What you were having for tea (a plate of ‘Wait and See’ was a Mama Hird classic)
- Whether you could get away with NOT having a bath (spesh if you had to share with your sisters – why did we do that in the 80s/90s? Was there a water shortage?)
- Whether you were allowed to stay up for Heartbeat on a Sunday (only if you had taken said bath)
You wondered about the ‘bigger picture’, in the sense that one day you would choose a job (obvs the one you coloured in), a partner, and have babies. But I don’t think it was a worry. You would ‘grow up’ and it would all just happen right?
Well no. You get to an age where you are supposed to be grown up, and instead you’re feeling insecure, confused, dissatisfied, lost, sad or just like ARGHHHHHHH! (If you don’t have any of these feelings, the BRAVO! But maybe keep reading in case someone you know is feeling that way and you can provide the right help).
So you have got to this point because something isn’t quite right in your life. Maybe you hate your job, or perhaps you’ve got problems with your partner. Maybe you’re not satisfied with who you see in the mirror. Or it could be you’re angry because of something that happened growing up that you’re holding onto. Perhaps something didn’t go as planned in your teens or twenties that set you back. Or there might be a decision that you made, which you now regret – or you’re punishing yourself with a ‘what if’ or a ‘if only I had’…
The point here is ownership.
You have to OWN your problems. And this philosophy has two strands to it. You have to own your problems, in the sense you have to take control of them, accept them and you have to OWN IT. This means you smash it with than sassy sense of control you have within you that makes you who you are.
Some of the strongest, most beautiful, incredible women that I am lucky enough to know, have gone through such hardships, sadness and sorrow. But that’s what makes them interesting. They have had SHIT and they have said – NO. I am NOT feeling sorry for myself, I am not using this as a reason to mope. I am taking this and OWNING IT. Behind every interesting person, is a mad story. You don’t become strong by an easy life.
If you’re struggling currently mentally, whether it be anxiety, depression, paranoia or your not feeling your usual sassy self then think of this.
Imagine a pot on a hob that is full to the brim with water. That water represents life and sassiness. If you are almost overflowing with character, life and soul – if you do things for others, care, think, are creative, live life like there is no tomorrow – then your pot is full. But as soon as you get heat under there – fire, anger, badness – your pot boils over. Its simple physics. You can’t do everything for everyone. You HAVE to keep some back for yourself.
Looking at things the other way. If your pot is low of water (life) or god forbid even empty – once that fire goes under – the water evaporates and you’re left with nothing. Sad and hollow – you need more in your life. I bet your bottom dollar that you know what that ‘something’ is, but you’re scared to go for it, or you don’t know how to achieve it (because you haven’t properly tried).
If you’re not happy. Start by listing out why.
Then pick the easiest one and start there. Positive, positive, positive. The more you do for yourself that is positive, the happier you feel.
You might be reading this thinking… “Jeff off Lucy. I cannot cope with this shit in my head on my own. You have no idea what I have been through.”
You’re right, I don’t. BUT I do know about this group of SUPER humans, called counsellors, who are actually TRAINED and PAID to listen to your shit, then help you work out how you can make things better! (Speak to your doctor for free services in your area).
There is NOT a solution to every problem – OF COURSE THERE ISN’T!
But by sharing your problem with a friend or professional, there are coping mechanisms, hope and change.
There is absolutely no shame in saying, “I need help!”. It doesn’t mean you’re mental. It just means you are so incredibly cool and amazing, your pot has boiled over and you need someone else to turn the heat down, or show you how to fill up your pot.
I have had anxiety (not suffered – had – suffering infers too much negativity) since 2009 (a mixture of panic and general, no social – I feel for those that do). I had a car accident that really knocked me mentally, and ended up having panic attacks – the works. It started to eek into all areas of my life till it had me in its grips. (I will talk about this properly at some point but this isn’t the point of the post).
The point is that I HAD to TAKE CONTROL. I had to ask for some help. I learned that anxiety can’t kill me, and I took the power out of the fear. It can sometimes be a daily struggle, but fuck it. I am happy that I am so in tune and aware of myself in ways that people who are disconnected will never understand. I push myself harder as a result, and will not let anything stop me from doing what I want to do. My problems could seem small fry compared to what you’re dealing with, but it’s all relative – it has to be. It doesn’t matter big or small, if something is bothering you and bringing you down, it has to be addressed.
I am so so sorry if you have been through something that is still mentally hurting you and stopping you from reaching your full potention. I am hugging you, stroking your hair, offering a tissue, and a deep and meaningful convo right now. We are here for such a short space of time, and life is such a struggle (and a joy).
Take ownership by addressing it yourself, or asking someone else to.
Stop using your past as a reason to waste these precious moments, we are only here for so many breaths.