I was blessed/cursed with a bum that Minaj and Kim wouldn’t sniff at; which when growing up caused me much dismay. (This is the dream bum above by the way. Bumspiration if you will).

I mean the fashion was Kate Moss and The Waif for Christ sakes. I remember going shopping for Diesel Jeans with my slender bestie who was raving about them; and not being able to fit in any so I bought the perfume and pretended that’s all I wanted anyway.

Such a 00’s staple


I even spent many years in bikinis sort of skating round sideways like a crab around the pool to avoid (all in my head of course) the whispers of “JAYSUS MARY, WILL YA LOOK AT DE SIZE OF DAT” (they’re a bad stereotype of Irish in this scenario for absolutely no reason at all).

Anyway my point is I have a BOOTY, which means I have a good reason to attend BOOTY HIIT sessions.

My app decided to take me to the goods entrance, and the lovely lady smoking aggressively out the back let me in, assuming I was the instructor. (In my defence on the entrance door was painted something like “be everything you can be today”, which sounds to me like a w*nky gym affirmation).

So after trying to get in through the next door inside that was locked, and looked like a security room, I realised my mistake and scooted back out sheepishly trying to avoid awkward eye contact with the smoking lady, as I am British and I would only end up apologising to her.

It was ACTUALLY in a rather lovely hotel Le Meridian. Ooooooooh schmancy!

It had statues… that were perving on themselves. How risk-AY!

Oh, and a POOL! On the app it says you can’t use the pool, but there wasn’t any pool police types hanging around, so I think you could get away with it should you fancy a post-workout dippage.

This session is a power 30 minutes designed specifically to “lift those glutes ladies” at 6.30am on a Wednesday.

It was a super small session run by the energetic, South African sounding Tamasin (I would just say she was South African, but an accent is not a passport).

The two of us ‘excersiees’ powered through short bursts of sumo squats, slow mountain climbers and this move where you swing your leg backwards, touch the floor, then swing it up into a knee jump. There was another where you lie on a mat in a shoulder stand then roll forwards and jump up, all in one “smooth” movement (took me a while for it to look remotely smooth).

It was a really NIFTY, NIPPY session.

Next day I can confirm my butt cheeks are SORE. And my bf thinks my bum looks “higher” – men are always so great with the compliments right?!

I Spose it’s better than it looking lower.

LOCATION: 21 Piccadilly, London W1J 0BH (ROUND THE FRONT!)

DIFFICULTY LEVEL: Do-able at any level once you master the movements. Easy as it’s just half hour.

STAR RATING: 3.5 could have done with a bit more music or PIZZAZ of some sort. Was just a bit flat.